My Big "oh shit"
I still remember when I signed my first paying client as a coach.
I was ECSTATIC and then, ever so sneakily, a thought crept in my head - "oh shit."
For me, the "oh shit" follow up fear was the causal effect of a big fat limiting belief I was still carrying around. It would be one thing if my "oh shit" was one that was linked to a powerful determination to really serve my client (this is the type of "oh shit" fear that pushes us to show up as our best selves - in fact, I welcome this "oh shit" because I think it makes me a more powerful coach) - but, it was not that type of "oh shit.".......
My "oh shit" was linked to a deep-seeded fear that I wasn't worthy enough. The issue with this "oh shit" is it can often paralyze us - rather than push us. It can be the leading cause of not living our fuck yes lives.
You see, I was coaching MANY people at this point for free. It wasn't that I didn't believe in coaching or my ability to coach and co-create real results in people's lives. My "oh shit" was ENTIRELY around the exchange of money.
The issue with this is that I was already providing significant value to my clients - I showed up the exact same when my services were free (for experience) vs. my full coaching practice today. The only difference in charging for services and graciously receiving money is that it levels the playing fields for the client (the person investing in THEIR future).
It creates an equal exchange of energy.
I find that that my clients today (some of which used to be free clients) are FAR more motivated now vs. when I provided the services for free. They now have skin in the game, they're investing in themselves and they want results. It is finally an equal exchange of energy.
So listen, whether you are an entrepreneur forging your path, or you are looking to negotiate at a new or current place of employment, I ask you to do the following:
1. HONOR what you've created value in
Acknowledge the energy, time, and interest you've put in towards creating something. Sit down with a notebook and a pen and answer the following:
Make a list of all the ways your life has been changed by the things that you've done for yourself and/or how you contribute back to others.
"When you feel most connected, and in flow, what do you create?"
"How does your creation and contribution affect others?"
"How can you continue to share, evolve, and grow your creation?"
2. SEPARATE your worth from what you've created value in:
"Our worth is not negotiated with other people. We carry that inside our hearts." - Brene Brown
This is the TRICKIEST one.
We are an individualized society, and we are brought up to believe our external successes are the result of our innate gift - which we've mistaken for self worth. If I were to paint a picture of our false messaging, it would look something like this (because I'm not an artist):
innate gifts -> determine our "worthiness" -> which ultimately provide our external "success" -> which then brings us "internal peace"
***I hope we all know this is a LOAD OF CRAP right?!**
So, let's rewire. Worthiness stands alone. You are worthy, no matter how well you can throw a ball or solve an algebra equation. It's never about your worthiness as a human. When you recognize this truth you breed positive self talk & internal peace - which are tools to further stimulate what you're creating.
When you go in to negotiate for $10k more, or increase your prices as an entrepreneur, and you hear that voice ever so suddenly saying "oh shit" - acknowledge it, stare it down in the face, and ask yourself
"why am I building up a case against myself? I am the ONE person who needs to be building it up for myself - I know what I've created value in!"
"what do I not feel worthy enough for?"
"what else could be true?"
3. Receive, receive, and receive
The best way to practice receiving more $ for what you've created value in is to start practicing on small things.
For example, the next time a friend offers to buy you lunch, or a coworker offers you a coffee - ACCEPT it graciously. The truth is, the person offering receives a dopamine rush, or joy, off their act of kindness, and you get a free lunch. This may sound silly, but it's effective. We are rewiring our mind, sending energy out in the universe that we are willing to receive good things coming for us, and we are not tying in head drama about our self-worth!
As you strengthen in this practice, you will find far less "oh shits" when you receive a big pay increase & grow your bank account.
In doing this work, the most important thing to remember is that receiving more money allows us to continue to create.
Receiving more money allows us to UP the playing field of those receiving what we are creating.
Receiving more money is synonymous for creating more value when we release the head drama of worthiness.